Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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