I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
