he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
