You're my little dorito
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
