i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
