The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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