The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
