and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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