She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize