I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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