we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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