i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
A+ Viking dick
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
