Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
