i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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