We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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