Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
