Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
