my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
