I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
