ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
sarcasm needs its own font
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
