we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
