Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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