Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
