I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
