Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
