youre lurking in front of me
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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