some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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