Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
