Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
