it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
