I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
