At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
