I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
