you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
