I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
