All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Panties = found
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