Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
