I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
