I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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