this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
