I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
