I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
