You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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