smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
