Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
