Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
