whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
