Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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