Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
