Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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