Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize