i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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