Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
