Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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