Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
