Your face is a jimmy john
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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