Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
