I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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