whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
