Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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