I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Non-Jews are for practice
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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