you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
