there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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