She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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