Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
