There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
