yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
