Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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