It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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