He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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