I must be too annoying 4 u.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
