so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
